PORTLAND, Ore. — In June, Portland's first ever Black fire chief, Sara Boone, publicly announced her impending retirement. Boone said she's shy when it comes to the press and tries to avoid reporters when she can. But recently she agreed to sit down with The Story's Pat Dooris for a kind of "exit interview" about her career and the decision to retire.
Boone and Dooris sat down at Portland Fire & Rescue Station 1 in downtown Portland. She admitted that the choice was bittersweet — bitter because it's always hard to say goodbye to a place you care about, but sweet for the ability to finally have an immense weight off of her shoulders.
"The sweet part is being able to just let go ... just the weight of worry, not only for the people under your watch, but for all the community members, resident citizens, and how we deploy our resources and are there 24-7," she said. "That's a constant worry. And so when I say the sweet ... is just letting go and knowing the baton is being passed, that somebody else is picking it up."
The first part of Dooris' interview with Boone airs Monday on The Story. A transcript is available below, lightly edited for clarity.
The weight
Pat Dooris: So if we break that down a little bit, can you talk a little bit more about the pressure and the weight and what that felt like, maybe when you first came into the chief's role?
Sara Boone: Yeah. I mean ... let's, go back at least a couple (steps) where you can be a supervisor. That's where you first start understanding the weight of the people that you are gonna be sending into harm's way. And that's your decision based on your training, your education, your ... you know, what you've known when it comes to the risk, the benefit.
PD: But you know that people could get hurt because of your decisions.
SB: All the time, yeah. And so I'm tying this back to when people first in the fire department, when they first are firefighters, and then they take their first promotional exam and move from, 'Hey, we're a B-team in the back of a rig going in and completing a task' versus moving to the front as a supervisor to where, 'Hey, I'm not just worried about myself and my buddy,' but now the decisions, the directions, and the assignment, the orders you are having other people's sons and daughters sending into harm's way. So that first level, that first supervisory level is when people feel the weight and the responsibility of holding somebody's life in their hands.
And then the decisions that you make can either change the outcome, not only for the public, but also for the people within your crew. And it just compounds as you go up the ladder, it compounds when you become a captain, because your responsibility is for everybody within that station as well as that fire management area. It compounds when you become a battalion chief, because now it's everybody within that district and all the stations that make up that battalion. So with every level, the expansion of worry and the weight of it grows. So that's why I'll say, when you, coming back to your question of the weight of a fire chief, it's not the last four years. It's every day that I've been in a position that I can send people into harm's way. So instead of two people, it's 756 — and that is a heavy weight to carry.
PD: Yeah. Does it feel like a physical weight sometimes?
SB: It's, yeah. Well, it's emotional, it's psychological. It's ... and it's not just, you know, you rise and fall with the successes and the failures. You take it all, and you also know that when you make decisions, and not just on life or death, but when you make decisions, you're never gonna make everybody happy. And so it's one of those things, I think, you try to compartmentalize and just focus on the work and the business, but as a human being, you're also emotional and you're a sponge, and you absorb whether, you know, you didn't make the right decision, or maybe this initiative didn't go the right way, or maybe your budget is, you know, beyond what it should be. There's always gonna be negative backlash. So I will just say that it's not a physical weight, but it's also just another interjection that when it comes to the psychology and the emotion of everything that you are internalizing and processing — yeah, I guess it is a weight that's not the physical, but it is a lot.
'It comes from the heart'
When Sara Boone joined the Portland Fire Bureau back in 1995, she was the first Black woman to ever work there — one of just five women serving at the time.
She said that she didn't face any overt discrimination, but still she could tell that sometimes the public and her fellow firefighters were uncomfortable around her.
At the same time, while she was willing to face those racial challenges, it was not something she spent her time focusing on.
Sara Boone: When we go out, you know, and we serve over 600,000 people, not everybody's gonna have the same experience. People are gonna be socialized in different ways. People probably don't even know that they're consciously being racist or sexist or whatnot. But the fact is, if you don't start having those conversations and leveling the playing field to where you're not coming from a place of fear, but you're coming from a place of, you know, seeing somebody's experience through a different lens and then also validating who they are because of those experiences ... empathetic, but to say, 'Here's what it's like for me to have a lived experience, not only as a female, but as a black female in these environments, in this arena.' And usually what people do is they center and say, 'Well, I don't see that.' And it's like, well, of course you don't see it. You have to experience it. Well, you're never gonna experience that as a white male, right? It's those — whether it's hidden cues, whether it's shunning, whether it's subtle things, right? Those are on such a level that may be unseen by everybody else, but acutely felt because you know what racism feels like, you know what misogyny feels like.
SB: ... All they see is, 'Wow, you're the first African American female to step through these doors.' I wasn't thinking about race or anything like that, or the white stuff, is what they had in the Willamette Week. I was just looking at, this is a job that somebody spent the time to tell me about, that resonated on a deeper level than just, let me think about a paycheck, right? It really fit with who I was, trying to find, 'What is my identity?' I already knew that I wanted to give back. I already knew that I wanted to be like a coach and help the next generation or young kids develop their fullest potential.
Because in society there's so much negativity there ... whether it's, you know, subliminal messages, marketing, PR, and now they have social media. So again, how do you really see yourself in this world? And how successful are you gonna be if you're carrying the negative weight of other people's low expectations? So when I say it comes from the heart, it was ... I listened to this fire inspector and the things that you could do just stepping off that rig, not always in an emergency, but on the prevention side, the education side, just being out in community. Right? So everything was leading me. It was just another conversation of it manifested in the occupation of the fire service. I did not care that I was African American or I was female. I was only listening to my heart, and that's usually what guides me in a lot of ways.
A singular focus
Boone grew up in Portland and was a star athlete in high school and college. She was working as a high school teacher when she met someone from the Portland Fire Bureau and was intrigued. As she looked into the job, she got hooked. But then she had to fit in.
Sara Boone: So I really was focused on, 'What is it that I need to do in order to be successful?' And I'm gonna find the best firefighters in station, and I'm gonna follow 'em during rig checks and everything, and learn everything I could about this job. And it almost felt like I was coming from a deficit, and it was just working doubly hard. I'm not saying that's the right thing for everybody, but I'm just saying from my perspective and how I came in and what resonated with my heart, that I didn't wanna do something where I fell short as a crew member, as a team member.
So (I just worked) exceptionally hard, found the best firefighters ... and it's just like an athlete, you know, you're not ... you either can put your time on the court, but it really is the things that you're doing on the weekends, on the days off, the extra things that people don't see in order to improve your outcomes. It's not just limited to when you clock in and when you clock out.
Pat Dooris: I remember you once told me when I was asking about other people in your life, and you said, 'I pretty much married the fire department' — you were that committed, that dedicated.
SB: Yeah, at the time, because you just didn't know — could you do both? Or could you do both well? And so I guess that's kind of, you know, how my brain processes, which isn't always that great, is finding that balance and stability ... You know, other people, it works for them. It really does. I mean, it's a challenge. But women have now come into the department and serve in the fire service and are trying to figure out how to balance being a mother, being a partner, and also a hundred percent all-in and their career. And they're, you know — that's management and working with your partner and timeframe, all of those things.
PD: Was it worth it for you, being single-focused, maybe giving up a partner, giving up a family?
SB: Yeah, I — I mean, I think a couple things. I mean, I don't want to get too personal.
PD: (Laughs) You can if you want!
SB: But I think ... you know, everybody has their own path to walk and you never know what the future's gonna hold. But I think for me, again, and how I process and how I ... just the cards that I was dealt, it felt like for you to really excel at what resonates with your heart, it is married to this job. If I had that stronger pull when it came to, 'I really wish I had a family' ... and I've had that like in my thirties, but it wasn't as strong as, 'This is what I'm dedicated to.' I don't know why. It's just the way I was wired and what I chose, and what I could handle.
PD: It's an impressive amount of dedication. Do you think in retirement that may change?
SB: Oh, we'll all have free time. Yeah, I ...
PD: Free time you'll be able to create relationships, maybe romantic relationships, whatever?
SB: Yeah. And I think that's for everybody. Not just, you know, not just the females in the fire department, right. For the men. It's ... and even going through the last four years, you really are giving up. There is a work-life balance, but you really are the things that you see on the job and that you are putting community ahead of your own self-interest. At least I hope to ... that the things you see, you compartmentalize in order to not feel, that's the bottom line because you have to make rational decisions. You couldn't function, right? You couldn't function. You have to be analytical looking at exactly what is the issue, even when things aren't going the right way. People are screaming at you, whatever it is. Horrific things. You are so focused and well-trained that when it comes to our protocols, when it comes to what you've seen, when it comes to our tactics, you're making decisions that really are saving lives in a hazard zone in your decisions. Again, you're either gonna ... it's either gonna work or it's not.
Off the back burner
Boone has experienced many ups and downs over her career. She's now looking forward to retirement and a chance to unpack many of the bits of trauma she's picked up along the way.
And since the interview was being held in an active fire station, the environment produced its own reminder of why Boone's been unable to focus on anything else.
Sara Boone: Again it gets back to that emotion and what you're stuffing down. And it impacts families. It impacts your health ...
(A fire engine rolls out of the station on its way to a call, causing a temporary interruption)
SB: So Pat, what I was saying ... being able to step out, letting your guard down, not being so ... where you're not really addressing the trauma that you have seen over 28 years or things that really impact just your overall health. It will be nice to step away and then give yourself some space and start, you know, whether it's going to counseling, whether it's going out and enjoying the activities you used to enjoy when you were younger and had the time. Or maybe it's enjoying pursuing relationships that you couldn't pursue when, you know, I was dedicated to the job. And also it's just getting in touch with the sides of you that you didn't have a chance to explore. Whether it's being creative, whether it's art, whether it's music, whether all of those things get put on the back burner.
The second part of our interview with Chief Boone, focused on the Portland Street Response program, will air Wednesday on The Story.
