PORTLAND, Ore. — Even though most people can relate, it still can be tough to talk about grief. It's just so personal and individualized. But as part of KGW’s "Journey to Wellness" series, we've decided to explore some ways to help you and your loved ones cope with grief.
Leslie Barber founded her company, Grief Warrior, back in September. Her mission is to help people who are grieving. That drive to help comes from a deeply painful experience. Her husband, Steve, died four years ago.
"We got married April 7, 2007," Barber said as she looked at a picture of her wedding day. "Best day of my life."
But when Steve died, her life got turned upside down.
"The hard day for me was actually turning the age he never made. That was a hard day," Barber said.
Steve was a kind, dedicated husband and father. His death was something Barber had barely any time to prepare for.
"It was very fast, about five months from his diagnosis," she said.
"I did not know how to navigate it. It was like a tsunami hit my brain," Barber said. "The whole world kept spinning and my world had stopped."
Now years later, Barber said those waves of emotion can be just as strong as they were at the beginning. But she's learned to live with her grief.
"After Steve died, I wrote in Sharpie on my hand, 'Keep Going,'" she said.
In September 2019, Barber started a business called Grief Warrior, dedicated to helping others cope with their grief.
"We want people to just move on and it doesn't work that way. We move forward. We learn to carry it," she said.
She's put together different gift boxes people can buy for their loved ones who are grieving.
"Each one has helpful useful healing products that I created or that I purchased," she said.
The gift boxes contain items like a notepad with a checklist that offers a grieving person an easier way to let their friends know how to help. On it are things like, "pick up my kids" or "walk the dog."
Barber also created a badge people can wear that says, "In Mourning."
"All the pressure we put on grieving people to be OK in our culture, I wanted a way for them to be able to say my heart's broken," Barber said.
Grief is something so many of us will experience or have experienced. The sadness, anger and anguish can be hard to shake.
"Grief never goes away. But it does change," said Georgena Eggleston, a grief guide and counselor of more than 20 years. She's written a book on the subject called "A New Mourning."
She said for some the grieving process can take years. But she has a few pieces of advice for both people who are grieving and the loved ones who are looking for ways to help.
First she said for people looking to help, don't say "how are you?" to someone in mourning.
"Say it's good to see you. I'm happy you're back," Eggleston said.
Second, small tokens like a gift card for dinner or a homemade dish can go a long way and show you care.
Third, being there for the grieving person with a text, a hug, or maybe a card three, six or 12 months later to say you haven't forgotten about them.
"After that wave is over and the last of the casseroles are gone, that is the time then that grieving people begin to feel really alone," Eggleston said.
There are so many ways to help, but the key is to lean into someone who's grieving, not away from them.
Both Eggleston and Barber acknowledge that it can be awkward being there for someone who's grieving because many of us don’t know what to do or say. But Barber hopes that with more people talking about grief, that maybe it'll become more socially accepted and less uncomfortable for people to talk about it.
For people who are currently grieving, Eggleston said you always have a choice of what you believe. Some people believe they will never recover, while others believe differently. She said you can try to live from a place of joy to honor the person who passed away.
Eggleston also said it’s important to move around to get all that pent-up pain out of your system through physical activity.
Last but not least, don't hesitate to join a support group. Both she and Barber said doing that helps you realize you're not alone.